thoughts/thoughts/thoughts

 Today has been pretty depressing and confusing. I woke up too late for my class...which btw is a huge surprise for me because I never miss anything or well I’m never late for anything. (I was late twice today actually) Sooo 

But the worst part was my drama class this morning, ew. I thought i liked the people there and it was fun but no no no. There is one guy in particular that just laughed at me, in my face... like wtf I asked a question and you make fun of me like I’m some sort of stupid person. ehhh I ignored him for the rest of the session but still I was in a group with him twice - no comment. 

That class made me feel like the talent for drama I had inside of me is slowly dying. I haven’t acted since last year, and if you don’t use it - you lose it. Well I feel like I’m distancing myself from acting rather than being closer to it. All I have are some creative thoughts/ideas but they never actually become anything. I don’t know what to think about all this anymore, about this situation that I’m in called university. Before coming here I knew deep down that this is not what I want... I knew why drama school would be perfect for me because it requires hard work, dedication and its all about actually doing drama. In a way I kinda expected uni to be like this... Nothing really surprised me. You know when I actually enjoy being here a little bit more is when it's the weekend and I go out to dance or eat. Literally that's my happy time. 

I'm not sure how long I can keep up with this and feel miserable. I haven’t even began doing the actual essays and presentations. Now when that starts (so basically in 2 weeks) I'm not sure how I'll cope with that. Oh wait here is an idea, probably by overeating and binge eating... Sounds great. 

I want to go home and see my parents and my brothers and my dog. I love them all so much. 

Especially my dog oh yeah, he's the boss. But also I want and need to see my friends ahhh I miss having conversations with them... Being away from them made me realize how much I need them and how much I miss them and how wonderful and truly special those people are. 

Ok. Too. Many. Feelings.